Quotes
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense. Tom Clancy
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. Mark Twain (1835-1910)
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers (1879-1935)
I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow. Woodrow Wilson
If everybody is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking. George S. Patton, General (1885-1945)
Imagination is more important than knowledge. Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
“OUR TRUE NATIONALITY IS MANKIND” H.G. WELLS
“PEOPLE DON’T EAT IN THE LONG RUN – THEY EAT EVERY DAY” HARRY L. HOPKINNS
“UPON THE EDUCATION OF THE PEOPLE OF THIS COUNTRY THE FATE OF THIS COUNTRY DEPENDS” BENJAMIN DISRAELI
Groucho Marx·
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."· "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."· "If I held you any closer, I'd be on the other side of you."· "Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."· "Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too hard to read."
Steve Martin· "Boy, those French, they have a different word for everything!"· "I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks."· "I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was - an arctic region covered with ice."
George Patton· "Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity."· "Untutored courage is useless in the face of educated bullets."· "A piece of spaghetti or a military unit can only be led from the front end."· "A pint of sweat will save a gallon of blood."
George Bernard Shaw· "I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation."· "England and America are two countries separated by the same language."· "If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion."· "The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech."
Oscar Wilde· "The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it."· "There's no sin...except stupidity."· "One should always play fairly - when one has the winning cards."
Carl Sandburg· "Everybody talks about the weather and nobody does anything about it."· "May you live to eat the hen that scratches on your grave."· "Six feet of earth make us all one size."· "I want money in order to buy the time to get the things that money will not buy."· "Time is the storyteller you can't shut up."· "We asked the cyclone to go around our barn but it didn't hear us."· "Many kiss the hands they wish to see cut off."
James Thurber· "It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all."· "Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?"· "It's better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
Robin Williams· "What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong."· [on Reagan] "I still think Nancy does most of his talking; you'll notice that she never drinks water when Ronnie speaks."· [on his political consciousness during the Vietnam War] "I had only a genital consciousness during those years."
Frank Zappa· "It would be easier to pay off our national debt overnight than to neutralize the long range effects of our national stupidity."· "Remember, there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over."· "Life is like high school with money."· "Anything played wrong twice in a row is the beginning of an arrangement."· "People who think of music videos as an art form are probably the same people who think Cabbage Patch Dolls are a revolutionary form of soft sculpture."
Rodney Dangerfield· "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."· "Always look out for Number One and be careful not to step in Number Two."· "I broke up with my psychiatrist. I told him I had suicidal tendencies. He told me from now on I had to pay in advance."
Will Rogers· "If stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out?"· "We can't all be heroes...because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."· "Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock."· "Nothing you can't spell will ever work."
Abraham Lincoln· "How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling the tail a leg doesn't make it a leg."· "The loss of enemies does not compensate for the loss of friends."· "For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like."
P.J. O'Rourke· "Never wear anything that panics the cat."· "There is no way to make vomiting courteous. You have to do the next best thing, which is to vomit in such a way that the story you tell about it later will be amusing."· "There is one thing women can never take away from men: We die sooner."
Albert Einstein· "If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, of what then is an empty desk?"· "The answer is 'yes' or 'no', depending on the interpretation."· "Gravitation cannot be held responsible for two people falling in love."· "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
Dorothy Parker· "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."· "This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly; it should be thrown with great force."· "The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant and let the air out of the tires."
Woody Allen· "I am at two with nature."· "What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."· "Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?"· "I should have
Katherine Hepburn· "I don't care what is written about me as long as it isn't true."· "You can't change the music of your soul."
Mark Twain· "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."· "The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."
William Buckley· "I would like to take you seriously but to do so would affront your intelligence."· "Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the cost becomes prohibitive."
Lillian Hellman· "Nothing, of course, begins at the time you think it did."· "Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth."· "People change...and forget to tell each other."
H.L. Mencken· "Jury: a group of twelve men who, having lied to the judge about their hearing, health, and business engagements, have failed to fool him."· "A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin."· "Wife: a former sweetheart."· "An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup."
Johnny Carson· "Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do."· "The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."· "Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
Harry Truman· "You want a friend in this life, get a dog."· "The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and advice them to do it."· "If you can't convince them, confuse them."Dan Quayle· "It's a question of whether we're going to go forward with the future, or past to the back."· "Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
George Carlin· "I think I am. Therefore, I am...I think."· "I hope that someday a Pope chooses the name Shorty."· "I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep."· "Just when I found the meaning of life, they changed it."· "When I was real small I heard about this thing called the decline of civilization...and I decided that it was something I would like to become involved in."
Bob Marley· "It's always lonely where I am."· "Art is the perpetual motion of illusion."· "I have no messages for anyone, my songs are only me talking to myself."
Babe Ruth· "I have only one superstition. I make sure to touch all the bases when I hit a home run."· "Don't quit until every base is uphill."· "If I'd just tried for them dinky singles, I could've batted around six hundred."
Famous Last Words
· "Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something." - Pancho Villa
· "But, but, Mister Colonel - " - Benito Mussolini, executed 1945
· "Never felt better." - Douglas Fairbanks, Sr.
· "I am about to, or, I am going to die. Either expression is used." - Dominique Bouhours, grammarian
· "What a pity I have to go now just when I was beginning to show promise!" - Renoir
· "I'm still alive!" - Emperor Caligula
· "If your camel should drink from the spring at dawn, take the lunch meat out of your sandwich." - wise man
· "The secret of being tiresome is to tell everything." - Voltaire
· "Things are more like they are now then they ever have been." - Gerald Ford
· "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on." - Samuel Goldwyn
· "If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields
· "The most beautiful thing in Tokyo is McDonald's. The most beautiful thing in Stockholm is McDonald's. Peking and Moscow don't have anything beautiful yet." - Andy Warhol
· "I like to reminisce with people I don't know. Granted, it takes longer." - Steve Wright· "Anyone who goes to see a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
· "If you've enjoyed this program just half as much as we've enjoyed doing it, then we've enjoyed it twice as much as you." - Michael Palin, Monty Python's Flying Circus
· "I never really said all the things I said." - Yogi Berra
· "I was determined to know beans." - Henry Thoreau
· "Rise early. Work late. Strike oil." - J. Paul Getty
· "I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird, and not enough the bad luck of the early worm." - Franklin D. Roosevelt
· "If you can't say something good about someone, come and sit by me." - Alice Roosevelt Longworth
· "When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty'." - Theodore Roosevelt
· "Arguments with furniture are rarely productive." - Kehlog Albran
· "If I like it, I say it's mine. If I don't, I say it's a fake." - Picasso
· "I tell you, Wellington is a bad general, the English are bad soldiers, we will settle the matter by lunch time." - Napoleon, Battle of Waterloo
· "If world sea levels went up six meters there would be problems for all coastal areas." - Craig Lingle
